Update: Intended

I’ve been writing this for the last three or four days. Not really writing as much, but thinking about what I should talk about…what I would allow myself to share with others. There’s this quote, I don’t recall who said it but it goes like, “admiration is the furthest thing from understanding.” Recently, this has become more of a law of reality for myself than a witty quote to spew.

I’m grateful for everyone who supports me, whether it’s checking in on me, praying for me, providing resources or even double tapping a post on Instagram. I’m also grateful for those who oppose me. Battles of any kind are just future victories I get to celebrate. I am more than a conqueror so these things need not worry me. Every disturbance tells me I’m on the right path. I pray that those who label themselves my enemies receive mercy, for they do not know what they do.

I want to talk about me & my adventures.

December 19th, I went out with a group of photographers & models. A walk-about. It was so cold, yet a lot of the time, most of the people there stood still. I refused. I gave mostly everyone my card. This one stranger, he walked up to us in a stairwell & asked what was happening. We talked & I gave him a card too. He came back around later to tell me he checked out my Instagram page for my clothing brand, but was shocked to see no posts. I felt a new combination of emotions; startled, proud, embarrassed & guilty. Need I explain? Startled that he took the time to do it within the moment he met me & found his way back to me to talk about it. Proud of myself for making that move. I was embarrassed because I offered him an empty cup. This is what led to guilt. I’ll be posted on the account today & I’ll make a new Twitter like I said I would. Anyhow, these are some photos I took that day.

On the 23rd, my mother said to me, “you use both sides of your brain”. She discovered this by having a conversation about me with someone. They told her that because I’m adept in both art & computers, I have to be using both sides of my brain. The conversation went deeper & she opened up to me about a few things, but I say that to say, I didn’t know that. The left side of your brain is where the “logical” functions take place; math, analytical thinking, language. The right is the “creative” functions; expression, emotional intelligence & imagination. I took a test for it. I use both sides pretty evenly. Apparently, this is called a “golden brain”.

Christmas, I woke up. That’s a gift. I thanked God & prayed. I’ve been speaking to Him about who I like, romantically. It’s not that I don’t want a girl. I want a wife. I’m about to be twenty-six. Why would I go through multiple relationships when I can just work on one? Granted, I do want to go on “dates”, but really, it’s just the craving of companionship. Going back to the quote of admiration, those who seemingly look up to me can’t possibly look at me as a person who also goes through life the same as them. For that reason alone, their company is empty & I feel alone. I despise the feeling of being in a room full of people & still feeling isolated. I haven’t given up on finding people who understand me, but it’s none who do so far. Back to Christmas, I got a passport holder, a pair of thermals, soap & Animal Crossing: New Horizons

I’m a bit tired. I don’t want to type anymore, but I wanted to say thank you to all those who care. I wanted to tell you all of what’s to come, how I’ll be famous on Twitch, the coming of adorá’s first capsule & website…but I’m tired. Maybe next year, I’ll have more words, or less words that hit deeper than these.

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I wish you all success. I appreciate who ever took the time to read this. Have a blessed day. I love you.